Well I must tell you that I for one am very happy that 2020 has finally arrived, as the past year for me has been spent going through a divorce. I must admit that there have been 2 things which have made this easier, the first was the brilliant team at Marrison Family Law, easily the best legal team in Colorado Springs when it comes to family law, the second is that the laws here in Colorado Springs do make a divorce and child custody far easier to manage, it is a no fault state which really focuses on the two spouses making decisions, if possible, about the division of assets and child custody. The biggest challenge in the last 12 months has not been the divorce specifically, but rather managing the children through this tough time, and here is how I went about it.
As abnormal as the divorce may be, it is essential that you are able to help your kids to maintain as normal a lifestyle as you can. This means keeping their routine around school or seeing friends, making sure that they see both parents and allowing them to continue their time spent in clubs or activities that they do. It hasn’t been easy but I do think that this routine has really helped them.
Initially I wasn’t going to talk very much to the kids about what was going on, in order to shelter them. After getting some advice however I decided to do the opposite and instead of leaving them in the dark about this massive change that was taking place, I was open and honest and created a line of communication between myself and the kids. The last thing that I wanted was for them to grow up believing that it was their fault that mom and dad divorced, which is why I was candid with the about the process.
My ex-partner and I did not leave on good terms but it was absolutely essential that I didn’t speak badly about the kid’s father in front of them, and I asked my ex to do exactly the same when speaking about me. Whatever has gone on in a relationship is between the two people involved, and the kids would eventually have to make their own decisions on how they feel, without us trying to sway their opinions.
Don’t Use The Kids
From the outset I spoke to my ex-partner and told him that under absolutely no circumstances would we use the kids as pawns. No matter what our feelings are to one another, we would ensure that both were able to see the kids and that they would never be part of the disagreements which we had. Thankfully both parties have stuck to this and I am sure that this is a big reason as to why the kids have so far, come through this relatively unscathed.